I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
