This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
