my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
