You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
