Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
