apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
