it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
