And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
