So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
