No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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