The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Randomize
