I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
