I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Redeem this text for a blowjob
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
