what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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