You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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