My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
