Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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