I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
