Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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