Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
