Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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