I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
