I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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