all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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