i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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