So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
