Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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