please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
