please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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