Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
