I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button