Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
In America we eat man semen.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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