if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
