my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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