ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
