you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
