he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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