Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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