separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
