Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
