Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
