so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize