you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
