Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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