Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
