I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
