He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
