I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
