Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Its about making memories worth repressing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
