Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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