Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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