Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
