just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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