Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
