Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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