What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
