Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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