Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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