That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
