her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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