This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
