i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
