I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
