Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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