I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
