its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
