Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
