This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
