sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
