There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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