I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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