we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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