Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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